So, um, sometimes I can be a little dramatic...

At first, the whole "too slow for the half marathon" thing didn't bother me. I meant what I wrote in my last blog post.

And then Pete and I were texting, and I told him about it, and he was like, "Seriously? You're THAT slow? I thought you were a real runner... You're like one of those old people doing laps at the mall."

And then I went for what was supposed to be a 4 mile run, but I was really struggling and going so slow, and this girl gave me a judgmental look, so I stopped after 2 and sat on my couch and decided I was done with "running."

I was still upset the next day. Pete and I had another conversation in which he supported my decision and suggested I try P90X instead. I bought diet food when I went grocery shopping and told Kristin I was just going to diet.

"That's fine, but is that why you were running in the first place?"

She had a point. Losing weight was never my reason for running.

My original reason for running- staying in shape for canyoneering- ended up not paying off. I don't think I was in any better shape than I was this summer.

But somewhere along the way, my reason for running changed. I wasn't thinking about canyoneering or losing weight; I was just thinking about how good it made me feel.

I was serious about quitting running for a few days. But yesterday, I REALLY wanted to go for a run. I couldn't stop thinking about it today. I'm so mad that the weather is so ridiculously cold; now I'm going to have to wait till Wednesday to run. I see snow in the forecast, so I'm crossing my fingers that I'm still able to run.

This latest little crisis has taught me a few things:

1. I don't think I could quit running, even if I wanted to. I have an addictive personality; apparently I can now add running to my list of addictions.

2. There are going to be some runs that just totally suck, and I need to just get over it and try again the next day rather than overreacting.

3. I was reminded of the incredible support system I have in my life. I have such encouraging friends who offer everything from tough love ("STOP LETTING STUPID BOYS MAKE YOUR DECISIONS FOR YOU!") to sweet words to name calling ("You are a runner, penis head!") to threats. ("If you don't snap out of this, I'm calling Joe!")

Slow

My friend Anne and I were planning on running the Chicago Get Lucky half-marathon in March.

Here is why Anne is awesome. An email from her this morning contained the following quote:

"Dear half-marathon, in the wise words of Rihanna, 'Imma make you my bitch and it ain't even my birthday.'"

I didn't want to register for the race until I was sure I could do it. After my 10 miles the other night, I felt confident I could do 13 miles by March.

So tonight I went on the race website and saw that there is a 3 hour limit.

It took me 2:26 to run those 10 miles. I'm not going to finish a half marathon in under 3 hours.

Now, I honestly don't care about my pace. Yes, I know I'm more of a slow jogger than an actual runner. But it doesn't bother me... The point is, I got it done. And actually, I'm impressed with myself that I can jog for two and a half hours!

Also, this is only my pace for long runs. Today's 3 mile run, for example, had an average pace of 13:19. I've even had a few runs where my pace was around 12:30. But if I'm going a long distance, I'm going slow. There's no way my pace is going to increase that drastically in 8 weeks. So, no half marathon for me... :(

I am scheduled to run 13 miles Valentine's weekend. So that will just be my own private little half marathon.

And I don't care if I suck. I'm still going to keep running. Actually, jogging.

10 Miles

I was looking forward to FreezeFest because Jason and I needed to have an in-depth conversation about my running goals.

I won't go into what those goals are, but I was not expecting his reaction.  After I went on and on about my options, and what if this and what if that and how should I do this, he said, "I don't like it."

"What??? I  thought you'd be encouraging this!"

"You have too much stress and anxiety.  You're putting too much pressure on yourself.  I don't want you running because you're following some schedule and scared to miss a day.  I want you running because you love it.  If this becomes an obligation, or if you can't keep up with the training, I'm afraid you're going to give up on running." 

I think he is both right and wrong.  My goals are ambitious, and it is entirely possible that I won't meet them and will get discouraged. But I'm going to keep my goals, and try to remain realistic.  And if it's not fun, I'll stop. 

Yesterday was fun. 

My training schedule had me running 5 miles.  There was anxiety going into yesterday's run for several reasons:

1. I didn't run during my vacation and wasn't sure how that would affect me.

2. I was behind a day; I was supposed to do that run over the weekend, but there was an ice situation.

3. My long run for the following weekend is 9 miles, and that was a really scary number for me since I'd never gone more than 7. 

I started running.  It was cold (18 degrees by the time I finished) and I was going slow.  But around Mile 3, it just felt so good.  I found a rhythm and didn't want to stop.  I started to consider doing more than 5 miles.  I thought, "What if I just go for it and do the 9 today?  That way it won't be stressing me out all week."  This felt audacious, especially considering I hadn't had any water all day (stupid Diet Coke), and my pre-run snack was some Cheetos.  But I thought, who cares, I'm just going to run until it doesn't feel good anymore.  If I can't do 9 today, I can try again this weekend.  I imagined I was Maniac Magee and ran and ran.

As I passed Mile 7, I started to grin.  This was unfamiliar territory.

At Mile 8, I thought, "You know, if I'm going to do 9, I might as well do 10.  That's a nice round number."

At Mile 8.5, my knee started to hurt and I thought, "Okay, I'm over this." But I was so close, I had to finish. 

And with Mumford and Sons as my accompaniment, I did finish.  With a huge smile on my face. 

I immediately called Jason, before I even got back in my apartment.  He was in his kayak on a lake in the Superstitions. (Jealous!!!)

"Jason!!!  I just ran 10 miles!!!"

"Hell yeah!"

"And I did it because it just felt so good to run."

"Good job!  I'm so proud of you!"

We're not going to talk about my time.  It was truly awful.  (Although, being so slow, I am impressed that I was able to run for so long!)  I honestly don't care about my time.  All I care about is getting those miles done.

It was a really amazing moment.  I am starting to feel legit.

I never thought I'd say this, but I f-ing love running.

Random Stuff

This post is a conglomeration of everything that's been going on with running over the past few weeks. It's not that I haven't had anything to say, it's that my computer crashed and I don't like typing on the iPad!

It's funny; I still don't think of myself as a real runner. And now I'm at a point where other people will say that they're runners, and I ask them a follow-up question and realize that they only run like, 2-3 miles at a time. My shortest runs are now longer than 2 miles. However, I don't question their legitimacy as a runner, only my own. I think the problem is that I hang out with too many marathoners and I need to not compare myself to them.

My friend Anne and I are both training for this half marathon in March. She texted me one day about how cold it was during her run, and I was like, "That's what makes you hardcore!" Her response was that being hardcore was not fun. And it's true- in the moment, it totally sucks! But it reminded me of the quote below. (Blogging from the iPad is also a pain because it won't let me put pictures wherever I want.)

I hung out with some friends from high school (actually, more like elementary school) the other day. The first thing everyone said to me was, "OMG, tell me about the running!" They all have stories about me trying to coerce them into walking the mile with me in PE class, or even smoking a cigarette one time when I was supposed to be walking the mile. They all agree that hell must have frozen over.

Tomorrow I leave for FreezeFest! So excited. But yesterday I realized something. The reason I originally started running was to build endurance for canyoneering. That was all I thought about when I first started running. But I haven't thought about that in a while! It just occurred to me that soon I'll get to see if the running has paid off. I totally lost sight of my original goal and just became consumed with running for the joy of running! In fact, when I got those airline vouchers last week, my first thought was Disney Princess Half Marathon, not canyoneering trip! Oh dear heaven, where are my priorities? The funny thing is that I don't think the running is going to help me with those difficult approaches... I got all out of breath last week from climbing the stairs to the L.

Margaret got me a pretty amazing Christmas gift. I always thought those fanny packs were so dorky, but after my 7 mile long run, I was getting a little thirsty! This Saturday I'll be running 9 miles in the desert, so hydration is a must! Not to mention that I feel like having this fanny pack makes me at least look like a legit runner! And Margaret said these are special socks that keep you from getting blisters- I didn't know you needed special socks. I was also just reading about compression socks, and now I'm wondering about those.... I seriously need a coach to guide me through all this stuff! I started running because I thought it was so simple.... Boy, was I wrong about that one!

Running Fashion

The top picture is how I want to look while running in the cold. The bottom picture is much closer to how I actually look/feel.

I have a headband to keep my ears warm, but it's too wide and I think it makes me look like a weirdo.

I wear a tee shirt or tank top underneath a technical running shirt. But the end of the run, the sleeves are covered in snot, despite the tissues I keep in my bra. My arms are also getting cold. Not sure what to do about this... Do I need two long sleeved shirts?? If so, what kind of fabric should the base layer be?

My bottom half is where things really get ridiculous. I got a pair of North Face long underwear (or are they tights? Is there a difference?). They definitely kept my legs nice and warm today! But I don't know how to wear them. I mean, you're not supposed to wear them by themselves, right? And even if you were, I just couldn't do that. Nobody needs to see me running around in just tights. So I wore my black capris over them today, and it looked SO stupid. I felt just like Joey in that picture. I need advice!

My shoes make the ensemble even more hideous. They are just ugly. That's all there is to it. All black with white laces. It was the cheapest pair I could find. Although, while I was running today, I had the idea that I could possibly make them better looking with some fun shoelaces. So I might try that. But shoelaces aren't going to fully solve my dilemma.

As my parents would say, I look like a Bolingbrook housewife.

I had no idea dressing for running would be so complicated! I need like, a $1000 gift card to Lululemon, and a personal shopper to tell me how to wear all this stuff.

Running Playlist Update

Music is vital to my running. If I'm bored with my music, I'm unmotivated to run. Some people say they can lose themselves in their thoughts while running. That happens to me when I'm hiking or canyoneering, but I have yet to experience that during a run. I've heard about people thinking about work during runs to de-stress... This actually creates MORE stress for me because I don't have any post-its with me to jot down my ideas/ to-do list. (If you see my desk at work, the post-its are outta control.) Anyway, I digress.

I found a link to this website on Pinterest, and it's given me so many great song ideas:

http://theruniverse.com/2012/05/the-runiverse-summer-playlist/

For example, I had never even considered CCR's version of "Good Golly Miss Molly" as a running song, but it totally rocks! And this inspired me to add some JD McPherson, which is also great to run to.


(When I first heard "Firebug" over the summer, I thought he was singing "She's my little fire butt..." I sang it this way for a while and was confused as to what the song was saying.")

Other favorite running songs include:

"Troublemaker" by Weezer

"Bootylicious" by Destiny's Child

"99 Problems" by Jay-Z

"Shake it Off" by Florence and the Machine

And this is why I need Weight Watchers in my life.

I scheduled my long run for tonight (Saturday). I am learning that running is a lot like dieting- you have to plan for it. So all day, I knew I had to run tonight.

Normally, when I know I have a long run coming, I am intentional about my diet and drinking water. But today was super busy. As I slipped on my running shoes and headed out the door, I reviewed what I'd eaten today.

Breakfast: Belvita crackers and a Diet Coke

Lunch: Portillo's cheese fries and a Diet Coke

Dinner: Chips and guac from Chipotle and a Diet Coke.

I. Am. F-Ed, I thought to myself.

(My diet is usually not this bad. Honest. I was just really busy and not paying attention today.)

I told myself that even if I made it just 3 miles, that would still be better than nothing. It was worth a try.

And I made it the whole 7 miles. It wasn't even that big of a deal! But I was definitely getting tired near the end. I could tell I was nearing my limit. I ran 7 miles one other time, so I was pretty confident going into tonight's run. But everything after this will be new territory. I'm both excited/nervous about pushing myself to go further!


Oh, and I ran the 7 miles 9 minutes faster than the last time I ran that far (which was about 6 weeks ago). Hell yeah!