I won't go into what those goals are, but I was not expecting his reaction. After I went on and on about my options, and what if this and what if that and how should I do this, he said, "I don't like it."
"What??? I thought you'd be encouraging this!"
"You have too much stress and anxiety. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. I don't want you running because you're following some schedule and scared to miss a day. I want you running because you love it. If this becomes an obligation, or if you can't keep up with the training, I'm afraid you're going to give up on running."
I think he is both right and wrong. My goals are ambitious, and it is entirely possible that I won't meet them and will get discouraged. But I'm going to keep my goals, and try to remain realistic. And if it's not fun, I'll stop.
Yesterday was fun.
My training schedule had me running 5 miles. There was anxiety going into yesterday's run for several reasons:
1. I didn't run during my vacation and wasn't sure how that would affect me.
2. I was behind a day; I was supposed to do that run over the weekend, but there was an ice situation.
3. My long run for the following weekend is 9 miles, and that was a really scary number for me since I'd never gone more than 7.
I started running. It was cold (18 degrees by the time I finished) and I was going slow. But around Mile 3, it just felt so good. I found a rhythm and didn't want to stop. I started to consider doing more than 5 miles. I thought, "What if I just go for it and do the 9 today? That way it won't be stressing me out all week." This felt audacious, especially considering I hadn't had any water all day (stupid Diet Coke), and my pre-run snack was some Cheetos. But I thought, who cares, I'm just going to run until it doesn't feel good anymore. If I can't do 9 today, I can try again this weekend. I imagined I was Maniac Magee and ran and ran.
As I passed Mile 7, I started to grin. This was unfamiliar territory.
At Mile 8, I thought, "You know, if I'm going to do 9, I might as well do 10. That's a nice round number."
At Mile 8.5, my knee started to hurt and I thought, "Okay, I'm over this." But I was so close, I had to finish.
And with Mumford and Sons as my accompaniment, I did finish. With a huge smile on my face.
I immediately called Jason, before I even got back in my apartment. He was in his kayak on a lake in the Superstitions. (Jealous!!!)
"Jason!!! I just ran 10 miles!!!"
"Hell yeah!"
"And I did it because it just felt so good to run."
"Good job! I'm so proud of you!"
We're not going to talk about my time. It was truly awful. (Although, being so slow, I am impressed that I was able to run for so long!) I honestly don't care about my time. All I care about is getting those miles done.
It was a really amazing moment. I am starting to feel legit.
I never thought I'd say this, but I f-ing love running.
No comments:
Post a Comment