I Get to Run

When I first started running, I looked forward to it all day. I hated my life during the run, but felt so good after. Running was my priority. I was so happy.

I lost that over the winter. I stayed strong through December, and I really think running is what got me through my December depression. But the next several months were just hard! I was sick, and the weather sucked, and I just didn't feel like it.

Not running regularly was like a downward spiral. First, there was the constant guilty feeling for not running. Then I started gaining weight and have had many days where I look at myself and say, "You are too fat to leave the house." Then, when I did run, I wasn't able to go very far, and I'd tell myself over and over how much I sucked for only being able to run like, 2 miles at a time. I didn't feel good after a run; I just felt discouraged. I ran because I felt like I had to.

(And yes, I know how unhealthy this all is. My friend has already recommended a therapist to me in Phoenix.)

But I've turned a corner, and now I'm back to where I was last fall. The other day I caught myself looking at the clock, counting down the hours till I could run. I race home from work, change clothes, and am out the door again without even sitting down. The first mile always sucks, but then I'm in my own world and the time flies by. I detest rest days; I feel lazy and guilty and want to be outside. (Although, now that I think about it, I could always, you know, go for a walk or something...) Anyway, I wake up thinking, "I get to run today," and it makes me so happy.

I don't know if it's the sunshine, or the race I'm training for, or just the fact that I'm getting back to where I was before my slump, but I've fallen in love with running all over again.

P.S. My short run this week was 3 miles, and I did it almost two minutes faster than I ever have before. With a sinus infection. Hell yeah!